Thursday, March 26, 2015

How We View Ourselves

Life can be hard. I forget this sometimes. I get breezing along thinking everything is going well and while my head is in the clouds, I don't see the oncoming brick walls. I have hit several walls lately and just as if I were hitting those walls with a car, I am afraid the dents and dings and damage are starting to become noticeable. This negative thought has been affecting my self esteem. Just as the dents and dings reduce a cars value, I begin to second guess my own value. I was lucky to get a boost this week though and I got it from the simplest act of kindness. While in the depths of self pity, I got out of the house to clear my head and ended up at a friends. I thought her new puppies would be just the thing to cheer me up! When I arrived, I was greeted not only by 4 adorable puppies, but also by some of her sweet children. I settled in with two little balls of fuzz on my lap and began shooting the breeze about life and some of the negative things that were on my mind. One of her sons, Miles, started looking at me with, what seemed to be, a very keen interest. He would come into the room and quietly observe me and then disappear around a corner and then would repeat this action. Once he even came in and asked me what color my eyes were and before I could answer, whispered, "blue" and then turned around and disappeared again. After a time, he showed up with a huge grin on his face and presented me with a portrait he had drawn. It was of me. I laughed and thanked him and later, went on my way, portrait in tow. The picture was carelessly left on the kitchen table that night and, still filling horrible about myself, I spent another sleepless night trying to figure out life. The next morning I was up early, not having slept much and not being able to shake my mood from the previous night. I begrudgingly got ready for the day, avoiding all of my reflections in the mirrors around the house, knowing good and well what my frowning face looked like. I didn't have to see it, I could feel it. Then as I was reaching for my keys, the corner of my eye caught the picture from Miles. I was stunned. He had drawn me happy. He had drawn a sunny day. The grass was green. I was wearing my favorite skirt and my favorite sweater. It was the smile that caught my eye the most. Even though, I am sure I had not shown a single hint of a smile the night before, he gave me one anyway. It is interesting how we view each other, and how we view ourselves. We see our flaws and our dings and dents as if they are larger than life. They affect our self worth. I think we would be surprised to know that others take a different view. I am grateful that Miles saw past my hurting frown and my horrible mood. I am also grateful that my Heavenly Father can see past my many flaws. This picture reminds me that life is okay, hard, but still worth smiling about. I don't have to focus on all the distractions and curve balls thrown in my direction. I can be happy with just a sunny day and green grass and my favorite skirt and sweater. I have the things in life I need to be happy. I have the love of my Father in Heaven, my family, and my knowledge of the gospel. Those three are enough to chase away the gloomy days! I am going to hang this picture as a reminder to myself that even when I am having a bad day and view myself as nothing more than a frowning face, there is someone else out there that views me differently. Thanks for the reminder, Miles.